hello all... well, i'm kind of coming here with my tail between my legs. goodness knows that i've asked for healing before, and i put off coming here because i'm embarrassed in a way to be asking again, but i need to move on, and i'm feeling a bit stuck, so here i am.
a few months ago i met a guy, by means that i won't go into, but i truly believe i was lead by the divine to meet him. he was/is going through a divorce, and he had been single for about a year. i was absolutely taken with this guy, he is quiet, brainy/sort of neurotic, and we hit it off like two old souls. he would make tentative plans for our future, nothing big, but things like... (he has a night job right now) "when i get a job during the day it will be so wonderful to stop by at your (my) place for a glass of wine in the evening". stuff like that. i was so happy with this guy, even though there were things that bothered me, as he seemed to be having a very hard time letting go of his old life. not his ex, but his old life. although his ex has a boyfriend and she lives with her mom, her mom still called HIM to come fix stuff, etc. he didn't even start packing his things to get out of that house until after he met me. he invited me to his apartment, and he did live like a spartan. seriously, after a year he just started taking his things out of the house.
while i completely believe he had no romantic inclinations toward his ex, i could see he was struggling to let go of the whole dynamic... to the point where he would go over to the ex's mom's house to babysit their young son during the day. (apparently the mother is rather older, and his ex worked during the day, and for some reason no one has been able to afford a daycare). he told his friends, his ex, and even his son about me. my daughter met him and really liked him.
anywhoo, before this turns into a book, i will get down to it. a month ago, after an amazing weekend together, where when he was leaving he gave me *the look/smile* for the first time (that one where the face lights up and there is something in the eyes), he broke things off with me the next day. he was supposed to come over for a bit that evening (the day where i got that look), but called fifteen minutes after he was supposed to be here to say he wasn't coming (issues with his car). i was a little miffed that he waited so long to tell me, and apparently this set off a wave of negative thinking in his head, and the next day he refused my calls/texts, and the day after that broke things off with me. he told me that when we met, he wasn't expecting someone like me, and he just wasn't ready, and he was going to need some time. needless to say i was heart broken.
so it's been a month, and i haven't heard a peep from him, nor have i endeavored to contact him.
i've been ok mostly, i have cried a lot. but i'm also being a little too hard on myself sometimes, too. i'm seriously questioning my judgement.
i just want some lasting peace, i want to heal so that i can move on. i feel stuck right now. so, if anyone can send some healing vibes my way, i would be so happy.