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broke off a "friendship"; could use healing

PostPosted: 23 Aug 2014, 12:43
by prc
hello guys... i am in need of some love and healing this morning, as i have ended a long time "friendship" that i could not quite wrap my head around. it did not end on the most positive of notes, but oh well. i will just put the scenario out there, even though i know i have been foolish. any healing vibes are greatly appreciated. also jan, i tried to directly contact the healing team through the link but it says the link is broken.

i have a guy "friend" that i have known for several years. jan will probably know who i am talking about... he was a neighbor (married), they moved, they got divorced less than a month ago. after they moved and things broke off between he and his wife, he called me and we picked back up with our "friendship". i put the word in quotes because it felt like i had way more concern for him and his plight than he had interest in my life. he has since moved several hundred miles away in order to be with his family (directly after they broke up, about two and a half months ago). he is someone that i have an attraction to, and there had been several times during the course of his time living down the street from me that he would want to be more than a friend with me, so i worked very hard and kept my distance, even though i felt rather sorry for him as i would see and hear his wife treat him terribly. but then i felt sorry for her, too. any way, like i said as soon as they broke up he called me (he was already miles away) and we resumed talking on the phone once or twice a week. when he came to town to visit his kids he would visit me as well, but it has only been a few times. on one of the occasions of his visit we had a few drinks and ended up sleeping together (the only time we have done that), but it was me who initiated it. it wasn't anything sweet and tender. it was straight up physical, and i ended up feeling rather confused, and kept my distance a bit. he told me he didn't want anything like that, that he didn't want a girlfriend or even a "friends with benefits" type of situation, which i agreed to, but given his hot pursuit of me in the past, was a little confused by. well, he has girlfriends. he talks about them. it's not that i really care so much about that, it's that he sometimes seem to think i'm one of the guys and i flat out told him that i am not a guy and i wasn't up for hearing how great his girlfriend was. he seemed ok with that, but then yesterday he called me and was telling me about how his girlfriend is upset that he will be moving, even though it will be only two hours away and that i guess he still wanted a relationship with her. i assume that is what he was getting at. any way, i just hung up because i didn't want to hear it, which wasn't the most mature way to handle things, i know. of course this upset him, and he left a voice message saying he didn't know what he was supposed to talk to me about and that these other females were just a part of his life. he said something like "you don't want me to talk to you like a boyfriend (i'm assuming based on the past when he lived up the street from me and was married?), you don't want me to talk to you like you're a guy, you don't want me to talk about other females in my life and i don't know what the hell to talk to you about!" i called him back but ended up leaving a message. i just kind of broke down and said i was sorry and that i was struggling and it was hard for me because i did have an attraction to him and this was all rather difficult. i sent him a text (the voice mail cut off) saying that it might be best to put our friendship on hold for a bit. he texted back this morning that he agrees since i seem to be having a hard time with it. i called hoping to end things on a more positive note, but of course he didn't answer so i just left a voice message. i felt like things were very one sided, any way. but i told him i was sorry and that i wished him well and hoped for good things for him. i told him things felt rather one sided, and that i had an attraction to him, so i guess this was best. i've known for some time that it was one of those friendships where he was getting more out of it than i was. i cried when i read his text this morning, but kept from crying when i left the message. but i guess that is it, and although i'm hoping that i've done the right thing, it hurts like hell. i have too much to do to let it bog me down, but i can't stop crying right now.

i'm sorry this is so long, but thank you for taking the time to read it. i really need some help to get through this.


Re: broke off a "friendship"; could use healing

PostPosted: 23 Aug 2014, 12:56
by prc
i want to add, having this attraction to someone who does not seem to be a viable option for me bogs me down. that is another reason for my breaking this off. i have been trying to distance myself for some time, but he kept wanting to talk to me. i have wondered if the reason i haven't received the gift of a loving relationship with a man for such a long time is because of this attraction to him. any way, i just wanted to add that. thanks again.

Re: broke off a "friendship"; could use healing

PostPosted: 23 Aug 2014, 21:28
by Aoibhegreine
Oh hun. Big hugs to you.

I know this doesn't help but it seems like you've done the right thing by ending it. You are worth more than he is willing to give you.

Blessings and strength.

Re: broke off a "friendship"; could use healing

PostPosted: 24 Aug 2014, 11:54
by prc
thank you Aoibhegreine, i appreciate it. it's a long standing lesson, although to be honest i'm not sure what it was i was supposed to learn from this person being in my life. really, after they moved i figured that would be it and i wouldn't see/hear from him anymore. i kept wondering why on earth he keeps going out of his way to talk to me, but i guess it is the universe's way of asking me if i'm sure i'm done, not to mention i'm pretty giving with my good energy, so i'm guessing he liked that, although he gave nothing in return. i got some (spell) stuff yesterday from the local pagan shop to help ease this. but i feel better today, anyway.

on a brighter note, i had been thinking about a wonderful lady who used to run the pagan shop i normally go to. i was really missing her, as anyone could walk into her shop, take a seat in back and chat away. she ran the shop for years and then "retired". the shop has been taken over by another lady, and i really didn't care much for the place under her management, and hadn't gone there for quite some time. i went yesterday to get some supplies so that i might ease the above, as i said, and while i was driving down the street i saw the first lady who initially owned the shop standing outside having a smoke. i had been wishing to run into her, as she is wonderful and i loved talking to her and i really liked the shop under her care. so i drove around the block and pulled over and yelled over to her, and it turns out she has a new shop right there down the street from the old one. i was so happy, and i got my supplies there. i instantly broke down when i explained to her what i needed, and she helped me get a couple of candles, etc., and was exceedingly kind and helpful. so, there is a BIG bright note for me!! i will use those today.

Re: broke off a "friendship"; could use healing

PostPosted: 24 Aug 2014, 21:11
by Jan
OK hard hat time.....put it on now. Cos I am pulling no punches.

This little swine has played you like a ruddy violin for a few years now. Patty - he's a pig. When he was safely married he was up for anything he could get. When his marriage broke he was sloshing about the place like a drowning man looking for a lifebelt...and didn't much care if that was a living one like you. When he's on a high with his nefarious girlfriends he wants to keep you on a string because he knows very well you have genuine feelings for him....and he wouldn't want to put those would he? After all...he might need you one day.....

No respect. No love. No empathy. No ruddy response. Man's a narcissist. flush.....

These two - he and his psycho wife....between them - they have really done a number on the sensible, well-grounded, fair and generous woman you are.....none of what has happened here is your fault....but you know what a glamour is...don't you?

Get angry, get proud, delete his numbers from your phone, his email from your address book and praise yourself for having somehow found the strength to do this.

NOW you're ready for a REAL relationship!

Good luck hon....

Loadsa love

Re: broke off a "friendship"; could use healing

PostPosted: 27 Apr 2015, 09:55
by m.standridge
Just to share now, at this late date, that i've just read this short thread.
I've experiencing this kind f thing the effects of negative energy nd emotion from a non working relationship that i hav kept trying to turn into somethng healthir thru sheer force of will and wishful thinking and elements of compassion for, in my case, a woman i've cared about.
she can't really ever care enough about me due to her emotional probs she can't get past she can't really care ENOUGH about anyone else.
Manwhile i've been so involved and drained with/by caring for my mom as she slips away from me...i'm just now able to summon enough to look past my own stuff with all this, to visit Healing forum, which i often avoid because i just...hav to, hav nothing left and can't let my empathic nature be exposed to deep needs so prevalent here.
But i care deeply for all here. Please know i would do my best as a male to help, though i'm overly timid and this empath who has to turn away from need sometimes for self-protection...

Re: broke off a "friendship"; could use healing

PostPosted: 27 Apr 2015, 14:02
by polkadotty
Agreeing with Jan as in he's sooooooo not worthy of you. Keep your strength on this. Hugs cos have been there. Xxx