Working against oneself and stopping it

[wishinglove]

Hi AP friends,

This posting is a spin-off from the Heirophant posting under Card of the Day.

viewtopic.php?f=7&t=1353

Specifically, Jan writes: "A very wise friend of mine once said to me, during a particularly difficult time in my life, "The one foe you will never vanquish is yourself. And the only foe you will forever have to endure is the same." Took me a long time to understand what he was saying - but he was right."

The original discussion was in the context of artistic expression and the ways in which we may block our creativity as a way of subliminally punishing ourselves for things that have gone wrong in our lives and for our disappointments. Jan points out that it is a "circuitous, masochistic and perverse" behavior, but that we all do it.

This got me thinking. A lot. I can't seem to write my poetry anymore, true, but I think this block is a symptom of a much larger problem. And I suspect that I am at the helm here, orchestrating and implementing my own obstacles. I recently suffered a terrible disappointment and loss: of the heart, spiritually, socially - a complete stripping away of my world and of everything I had put my heart toward for a long time.

Turned out to be the best thing that could have happened, even though it was tremendously disruptive.

Thing is, I deeply suspect that I am blocking my own healing process now - my own happiness and my own creativity. This could be due to myriad reasons - and maybe largely to do with my guilt at having left behind everything in great haste once I realized the futility and even the danger of my situation. (I had a dream last night in which one of the people I left behind was berating me for leaving - a little clue there about my own guilt. Guilt is such a self-centered and non-productive endeavor, isn't it?)

In additon to some instructional dreams, I am suspicious about something that happened yesterday: I decided to take the day off and just enjoy myself. I did and it was truly a lovely day! Then the backlash: the night was just dreadful - chock full with fear, insomnia, physical symptoms, terrifying shadowy experiences (of the sleep-paralysis type) and dreadful nightmares.

For weeks I've been pinning all this on some external expression of "negativity" I've been convinced has been plaguing me and blocking my way. But I now believe that I am the foe.

If anyone feels inclined to share a similar life experience, it would be greatly helpful to me. If not, I just appreciate being able to work this through and express it here on the healing forum.

Love,
wish xo

[kriss]

I don't know how to help. I've been feeling blocked in my personal and work life for so long now, it must be something to do with me/my attitude but I can't see it, can't see how to overcome it and move forward.

It sounds like you have some insight into why that disappointment happened. Maybe you haven't completely got over it for whatever reason, even though you can see the good. It's a shame that your creativity isn't working for you right at the moment, but I hope that comes back.

Kriss

[Jan]

LBR LBR LBR LBR..........

http://www.angelpaths.com/lbr.htm

Use that until you have cleared your area - on yourself, in every room you spend time in (without taking respsibility for anybody else - and do it at least twice a day until the 10th of August (you might like to keep going after that). In the intervening time you should find out what's coming from other people and what is your own. Your own will probably crystallise well enough for you to be able to get a positive handle on it.

Loadsa love

[wishinglove]

Thanks, Jan.

I've been reading the other thread about the LBR with great interest.

I was a little resistant to this practice at first, but did it last night and again this morning, in every room of my house. It didn't take too long to catch on and really get into the visualizations. Just wondering if it is common to have physical symptoms/reactions during it?

It will be very beneficial - I can tell. Thank you.

wish xo

[Jan]

Very usual yes, especially once you get the resonance right on the vibratory names. When you actually get this right, you'll find your entire body resonating very very briefly at the level of the energy behind the archangelic powers. One thing I should note - which is probably significant for you - is that I often think given streams of energy remain precisely the same, despite which tradition happens to be engaging them - and despite the fact they might be called very different names or whatever. I think the energies remain pretty constant whatever traditon you happen to come from. The thing that actually makes a given ritual work more strongly than another is (so long as you leave the worker out of the equation of course) the way in which the energy is put together in that specific tradition, and the actual number of times a given ritual is used. I believe energies are very willing to be blended by activity - this is why something like the Lord's Prayer has such a massive resonance whether you are or are not Christian - the way that particular prayer is put together is, if you really study it, a piece of voice-magick which calls upon certain arcane forces that have been in use for quite literally thousands of years.

Another thing that can happen as your LBR's grow in power is that if there are negative links set upon your etheric or subtle bodies, you'll feel these going. I remember very distinctly one time when a bad one on my stomch acted so forcibly on me I sank to my knees feeling shocked and a little sick for a few seconds - the actual sensation was that dreadful one you get when you go over a hump-back bridge too fast in a car? A kind of sick, thuddy feeling on the SP? It is particularly important if you experience something like that to get yourself together and start the LBR from the top again. Having broken a link you need to get your defences up as fast as you possibly can so there's very little potential of immediate re-attachment.

I've never actually been physically hurt using LBRs - but I've had some rather odd and sometimes unpleasant experiences when using to repel attack. Also in this circumstance it's not unusual to hear some very out of place noises. Interestingly if you try to track them down they will always move with you to the outer limits of the LBR, because once you have erected a set of defences so long as the power is maintained you are always in the dead centre, unless you have anchored the protection to a building or whatever.

Loadsa love

[wishinglove]

Jan,

Yes, that was my resistance: the differing traditions/language. But I came to an understanding of the universality of the energy streams during the practice itself last night and this morning - and you have now confirmed that.

Thank you for the instruction regarding breaking a negative link and needing to start from the top and reset the defenses. Very useful. I didn't start over, but will from now on.

This additional information is very helpful.

Love,
wish

[wishinglove]

Kriss, sorry - I'd meant to respond earlier to what you wrote. Thank you for your kind words of support. I do hope that things move along for you swiftly now in the direction that will bring you the most happiness in all areas of your life.

On a general note to this thread: with steady use of the LBR, I hope in time to discern clearly between the blocks I have created and those that might be coming my way as outer influences.

I was resistant to the LBR at first since the language/tradition was unfamiliar, but I now see that this is a very powerful ritual for clearing negative influences and empowering and protecting oneself. I look forward to continuing with it.

Wishing everyone well.

xo wish

[kriss]

I hope you find a way through this too. It's hard to keep going and constantly being positive. But creating a safe space around yourself can't do any harm and may do wonders for your peace of mind - it could really help lift you out of this.

Good luck

Kriss