|
| | | 
Divine Being
Group: Huggy Healing Team
Last Login: Today @ 01:28
Posts: 6,380, Visits: 4,475 |
| | I have a friend who had a paranoid breakdown about 18 months ago. She thinks a gang of people (unknown) is stalking her and wants to attack her. With a lot of support she got through it with no drugs and the help of the community mental health team, who are still visiting her. She returned to work on a phased basis and seemed to have made a complete recovery. However, she has recently been told she's being made redundant (at least in part because of her illness I think, though can't prove it). Her boyfriend lives miles away and she wants to move the relationship forward but he's happy with it as it is. She lives on her own with an alsatian though while he's great for protection, came to her after having been re-homed twice and has behavioural issues - he can't be left alone for long periods, which obviously means it's hard for her to go back to full time work. At the same time, the fact that she's alone so much adds to her illness IMO, because she doesn't have enough distraction, so working from home wouldn't be a good option. She recently told me she's started to believe she's being stalked again and that her original thoughts were right all along but that nobody believes her now because of her illness, and that she feels unsupported because of this. I think the stress is pushing her into another breakdown and while I don't believe she is being stalked, saying so risks losing her trust and obviously I'm not prepared to give credence to her beliefs by supporting them because that would make her more fearful and increase the paranoia. She sees a community MHN once a week and said that this person doesn't believe she's being stalked. After her initial breakdown she couldn't be on her own at all and friends spent time with her on a rota system - which is untenable for long periods. Can anyone suggest a way of helping with this or a way of supporting her without alienating her? I am not prepared to say I believe what she says just to keep her happy because it makes her worse. Kriss |
| |
| | | 
AngelWithWings
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 12/05/2008 21:23
Posts: 238, Visits: 493 |
| | Hmm. As much as the mere mention of medication makes me feel jumpy, perhaps in this instance it might be worth discussing as a way to just get a little handle on things and support the work she's already done. It would be a shame for all that fantastic effort to go to waste... A tentative suggestion there. I reckon the dog is a great idea but those behavioural issues need to be sorted. You CAN teach an old dog new tricks. I might PM you with a link, Kriss, if that's OK... Animals are much closer to nature than many of us two-foots and thus are very sensitive to energy. I've been convinced by someone who works with dogs that if a human is projecting a weaker energy the dog will pick up on it and react as instinct dictates. This time a controversial suggestion!  In terms of support, well, perhaps responses that show that you support your friend but not necessarily pursue the conversation about the stalking or mhn would be the way to go. Or just steer the conversation to brighter things? Do you share a hobby? Or do a craft together? Or volunteer? Finally, a friend of mine who's a life coach told me a great thing, it's not the Person who's been made redundant, it's their job that is now redundant. That could help her self esteem. If she has been made redundant because of the illness, sounds like you're looking at wrongful dismissal... legal advice territory? Or is that just more stress? Good luck with it all xxxxx
Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right. Henry Ford.  |
| |
| | |
Divine Being
Group: Huggy Healing Team
Last Login: Today @ 01:28
Posts: 6,380, Visits: 4,475 |
| She absolutely refuses to take drugs - even valerian to help her sleep (she's not sleeping because she's so stressed which makes it worse).
She's taken her dog to a professional coach and he's a lot better, but can still be hard to manage and can't be trusted unless she's there.
On one level I am very angry with her. She's very repressed, pushes people away and is incredibly protective about her space. She didn't speak to me for weeks once because I went round to her house to tidy up after she'd remarked on how overwhelmed she felt by the state of her house (we've known each other for 10 years btw so although this was a misjudgement it wasn't because we weren't close.) She won't ask for help. But since she had the illness she's had people staying with her for several nights a week, weeks on end, going round to visit and cheering her up and generally being supportive. This is something she's said she really likes, the attention and the company. She's asked her bf to move in and he's refused - don't blame him really as he'd end up being her carer rather than her partner. And now as the stress is hitting it's as if she can't ask for help any other way than becoming unable to cope and needing to be supported and looked after.
I wish to god she would try to tackle whatever issues it is that are causing her to feel that being victimised is her best strategy for getting attention and being looked after.
On another level, of course, I can see how scared she is - she really is terrified and absolutely believes that she's about to be attacked. But she risks being sectioned, being unable to find another job, losing her house because she can't pay the mortgage and losing her dog, and god knows what would happen to him if he was taken back to the dog's home again.
Kriss |
| |
| | | Archangel
Group: Huggy Healing Team
Last Login: Today @ 00:16
Posts: 4,266, Visits: 3,093 |
| It sounds as if there is not much you can do here. I know when it happened with a friend of mine another friend took over and helped considerably, his mother helped get her into hospital etc. But she was willing to go.
If this woman doesn't want to go and her boyfriend and family are being pushed away, you may need to tell her gently but firmly that until she goes back on the meds there is nothing more you can do for her. Otherwise you will end up like the Laura Linney character on Love Actually!
-------------------------------------------------------------
It's that classic dilemma between the head and the heart... |
| |
| | | Laid back and loving it
Group: Administrators
Last Login: Yesterday @ 18:19
Posts: 14,934, Visits: 3,855 |
| | Hmmm. More than anything I suppose I want to warn you here to look after you. People in this sort of state are remarkably good at getting what they want regardless of the effect that might have on those people around them. You sound really very frustrated. Loadsa love
There are thing you notice in this life and things you don't. When you notice and acknowledge the important things in life you enrich it. When you notice and acknowledge the unimportant things in this life it proves you pay attention. When you do neither what are you????
|
| |
| | |
Divine Being
Group: Huggy Healing Team
Last Login: Today @ 01:28
Posts: 6,380, Visits: 4,475 |
| | I was stunned, when this first happened and she was desperate to have people around her 24-7, that she would start talking to strangers in the street, ask people round for tea and cake, was thinking of paying someone to stay with her... This from someone who's reserved in the extreme normally. And people actually did it too - partly out of goodwill and partly because she so clearly needed help. I'm not sure how willing they would be again. Haven't seen her yet. It's been a stressful week it wouldn't be good for her to be around an angry person! Shields up ;-) Kriss |
| |
| | | Laid back and loving it
Group: Administrators
Last Login: Yesterday @ 18:19
Posts: 14,934, Visits: 3,855 |
| | I know it sounds horribly hard, Kriss but when somebody is in one of those sink-or-swim situations sometimes the only thing you can do is throw the lifebelt, making sure it is securely fastened to somethng on the shore and then walk away, you know? The lady sounds to me like she feels desperately unloved and unprotected....but then the very fact that she would break out of her usual way of doing things does suggest that her usual way of doing things isn't working for her....maybe she needs to accept that you can only keep up a facade so long before it cracks.... Loadsa love
There are thing you notice in this life and things you don't. When you notice and acknowledge the important things in life you enrich it. When you notice and acknowledge the unimportant things in this life it proves you pay attention. When you do neither what are you????
|
| |
| | |
AngelWithWings
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 12/05/2008 21:23
Posts: 238, Visits: 493 |
| | with all the extra layers that are coming to the story its starting to look like the snake eating it's own tail. I'm wondering if she's aware on some level of how she's iterating the problem, but is also so stuck in the pattern life is unthinkable without it. I'm remembering a long nursery song - there's a hole in the bucket - do you know all the verses? there are loads, I won't reel them all off (unless you want them!) but it's still circular. Without that real and conscious desire to change... I guess my point is that there really isn't anything you can do, no trigger you can flip, not without an active participation or initiation from her. You can, however, be the best friend ever. You love her unconditionally (well, almost) and have been there for years. You're her lip balm, and we all know how vital that can be... It must be sooo frustrating but this is her gig, you know? You're playing your part and doing it really well by the sound of it. Good on you, but keep the lip balm pot full... 
Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right. Henry Ford. |
| |
| | | | |
|
